Here's my 9 point break-up recovery plan...
Don't Chase Her!
For goodness sake stop making excuses to get in touch with her (or him)! It
just keeps you hanging in there and hoping. If she's contacting you regularly,
ask her not to.
Don't Look "Thirsty."
Don't chase her! Don't always be "available" for her when she calls
or when she wants to see you. All that will happen is she'll disrespect you
more and more. It's a hard fact of life, but to the person on the "dominant"
side of any break-up "available" looks "desperate", and
no one likes desperate!
Stop Trying To Squeeze Blood Out Of This Particular Stone.
Trying to find ways to fix, or get back a relationship you know in your heart
is over is like picking up a sledge-hammer and cracking yourself on the head
with it, every day. Let's see. Would you keep running into a cliff-face and
suffering concussion over and over again? Heck no. So why on earth do you think
it's OK to keep smashing yourself against this particular rock?
Stop Going On And On About Her!
Stop obsessing! Re-living every detail of what happened may feel good initially,
but frankly makes for tedious company. After a few weeks it's time to stop.
You'll drive friends away and just get stuck in a groove like an old vinyl record.
Be very selective about what you say and the people you say it to, and start
talking about other things.
Stop Beating Yourself Up!
So you screwed up. Well so does everyone else. And I doubt she was perfect
either ("she was? Then you're really creating your own flaky "reality").
You both did your best to make it work, but it didn't. Put it down to experience,
and forget about blaming her or you. It holds you back from recovery.
Stop Torturing Yourself.
...by imagining what she's up to "this very minute." Whatever she
is up to, is no business of yours any more. You've both moved on, and making
yourself ill with jealousy is only going to make you emotional, sour your memories,
give you an ulcer and spoil your chances of meeting anyone new.
Imagine Yourself As "Over It."
The "theatre of the mind" is a powerful tool. Imagine a time, a few
weeks away, when instead of feeling sick you'll wake up and feel free. You'll
be over it. The sun will come out, gorgeous women will appear from nowhere and
you'll feel like going out and living life again. Why wait? Draw that day towards
you, so that it becomes today. Feel the excitement of knowing you did it, you
survived and life is good again. Now hang onto that feeling!
Don't Rush Off To Find A "Substitute."
If you do, one of two things will happen. First, no one is going to match up
and you're just going to have some miserable nights out. Alternatively you're
still going to be so bruised after the break-up-battering you just got, that
you're going to get hurt all over again!
Be Nice To Yourself.
Start blending in by hanging out with your friends. Don't go lurching from
nightclub to nightclub with them, but do spend time hangin', chillin' and chattin'.
Maybe take a trip; a weekend's golf perhaps, or a trip to Vegas (or a spa, or
the Caribbean...). Be nice to yourself. Most important of all, get back into
the gym and start whipping yourself back into shape.
Coping with jealousy?